It's about time

The last time I was squirming like this on my seat was while watching ‘Parzania’. I wanted to blog about my mental outburst but couldn't, without sounding like a bigot. Yesterday, just a few hours before watching ‘Firaaq’ I made up my mind that I would stop blaming people. It was bad timing for this resolution. How do I even begin to explain this discomfort?

Some of my relatives never liked the idea of me playing with Muslim kids (obviously that makes me Hindu). I never got it, because according to me, they are most disciplined. My aunt disagrees and says they stink. Are you kidding me? I can show you more stinking people in a crowded Hindu wedding ceremony. It does not mean I am for Muslims or against Hindus. But who is anyone to say that they are better off than the other? What gives them the right? Is this the crap you teach children?

Nandita Das took people who have strong opinions and threw them into the most uncomfortable situations. Its so connectible that you feel their discomfort and relate to them even if you don't agree with their views. Now that's a task which not many can achieve. She does no such thing as resolute. Racism is so huge an issue that it can never have a resolution unless its unanimous. And unanimity comes only when we understand.

Some people find the concept of a whole family eating in one plate disgusting. Well if you had caught hold of every guy that had grabbed a handful of chicken rice from my lunch box, you would find a bunch of Brahmins. What were we talking about again? See, its difficult to express this anger without bringing up names. But blaming others always comes with a clause of balls to take it too.

Every story gets to you. In a very psychologically disturbing way. Every second, I was in and out of a character’s head. Without sounding chauvinistic, she is the first women director in who’s work I have seen that has this raw effect. She has experimented with stories and narration that no man has dared to go. She leaves things as they are; not even letting us decide. That's how it is and how it will remain.

One of the reasons I don't like my relatives much is because of their humor. Its so vulgar and demeaning. They love jokes that make anothers look like idiots. But to think about it, even we have made the same mistake somewhere down the lane. We too have laughed at Sardar jokes. To take it on a lighter note is fine, but don't you think this constant feeding of underlying racism will surface some day? I speak for myself when I say I am a victim of this. These jokes and conversations about Mallus, Goltis and Marvaris has made me prejudiced on some level. And when I read about the partition and the number of Sikhs that had sacrificed their lives for us, I feel bad even reading a Surd joke on my mobile. Maybe I am over reacting but I truly believe that all this is getting to us in a micro way and is bound to blow up one day.

Naseerudin Shah is staring into space and is lost while he watches a report on the riots. As much as persona and power reminds you of his acting talents, you still see him as an old compassionate person. When he corrects a racist comment by saying 'Insan, insan ko maar raha hai', you feel a slap on you face. All the recent events come back to you. Simi Gareval's racist comment, Raj Sena Muthalik's worry about couples celebrating Valentine's Day (like that is the most pressing issue our country must deal with) come to one's mind. What a waste of education. Our parents' hard earned money down the drain. We have educated ourselves to inherit this difference amidst people. Maneka Gandhi saves animals, Son promises to slay humans.

Some famous personality said she hated 'Firaaq' because it narrates the story only from one side. Yeah? What about all those million stories of Muslim terrorists? Or Musalman villains? They never cried foul saying that its stereotyped beyond hope. I feel opinions can be formed but only after you have analysed the situation completely. If you going to react even before you grasp the complete impact then I guess it like a half boiled egg. Not done.

The movie ends with a kid staring at you. You leave the theatre thinking that somehow you are responsible for his misfortune. Maybe I am. Collectively it is us, who form a community and these communities make rules and condition people. Its not based on rights and wrongs but based on comforts and conclusions. The fact that these stupid ideas or opinions actually question one's caste or identity is disturbing. Isnt that a crime to begin with?


P.s - This post was lying as a draft for more than a month. I am sorry if I hurt anyone's sentiments but towards the end it's just my opinion. Since i take pride and my vote counts, So does my opinion.

Down the lonely road

There are two kinds of people in this world. Ones that win but eventually lose and ones that lose but eventually win. The Movie theatre was an eerie place tonight like some weird late night movie on cable. A few people scattered like the emptiness in your head. I was like this fish inside the bowl watching everything and everyone like I had a clean slate. People who kept talking during the film eventually got drawn into its intensity. It has already happened to you or will happen. The pace gave you enough time to look through pages of your own life. Two silly lovers try hard to make each other happy. But it never does look like they tried enough. It never does even in real life. Even to the person you are in love with. This is what makes “Revolutionary Road” brilliant. It goes within, to make us happy that we tried, gave it our fullest and the rest is history.

Somehow the usual intensity a Sam Mendez movie gives me, failed this time. It usually hits me on the face. I guess I am numb now, and being numb suited me. It was a great feeling to sit and laugh at them like they were losers. Like it never happened to you. At least people around you don’t know. The guy sitting next to me knew nothing about me. Nor did I about him. We watched the film with so much interest that somewhere I’m sure we all related to it. It’s funny when you think about layers of a human being. This guy had no clue I was the woman. Maybe I dint know that he was the mad neighbor. He had no clue that the stranger i walked past during the break was the man.

The story is so pure that eventually you have to draw similarities on some level. Then you end up thinking we all are connected in the most weird situations and circumstances. When April Wheeler stands and looks out the window as she bleeds, some were upset. One guy on the next row kept shifting. The other guy kept moving his shoulders back and forth like a coke addict. I could see the pain in him trying to settle. I wanted to put my hand on his shoulder and say “I Know” But who am I to disturb the cycle of life? A person has to learn a lot from pain. Let it bleed. I felt proud when she did. I understood that she gave it all. Eventually she might die but she dies a true winner. She tried with all her might.

Maybe it was a “mind fuck” to a lot of them. Nevertheless a good mind fuck. And then there is me, numb. I watched the film and loved every bit of it without feeling uncomfortable. Walked by a person I have not seen in two years after some difficult confrontations of my life and yet dint feel a thing. Then how could I like this film like any other passionate or emotional person? It is a road one has lived and remembers. Some like to walk by it even now, some like to ride-by just curious to take a peek. Some talk about it and some think about it. Sooner or later one might even say “oh yeah right. I forgot”

I am Jerry Seinfeld

is what my Facebook application told me. Why the hell would I disagree with that?

I remember renting out Seinfeld when I finished school. I never liked it at all. Dint really get it. But everyone kept raving so much about it that I was forced to give it a second look. I did five years later. Well I guess I grew up enough to get it and loved every bit of it.

"It’s a show about nothing" is what the makers keep saying. I don’t agree. It’s about people that take simple pleasures of life. It might seem as joblessness but they are seriously exploring life fulltime. It’s so easily connectable. How easy is it being a Seinfeld? Humor is all about finding things funny in every minute detail. At breakfast, your parents, your neighbors, friends and also the guy who calls you about your unpaid bill. Humor is everywhere, from the most complex stories to the minutest detail. But mainly the minute details. You somehow notice what everyone should notice but somehow they don’t, and can turn even a serious conversation into a fun light hearted goof moment.

I did the whole nine season marathon. And it was more effective once I started to experience the same situations of the sitcom in my life. My friend's dad hates my gut cos I dint say hello to him (Season 6 episode 4). I can’t really understand how I became friends with a guy few years ago (Season 1 episode 4). I get pissed very often with someone and cant let go unless they apologize (Season 9 episode 9). I could go on. The revenge sex, which movie to watch confusion with friends, to prove a person is fake, to hide from someone, to stalk someone, the self control ideas, dating someone's ex and million more.

But coming back to my friend's dad hating my gut, well what can I say? I hate his too? I was really amazed that the old fart pointed a finger at me. Dude! You had a fucking newspaper stuck to your face and I thought you might be so stuck up that you would be upset if I bothered you. Maybe he should meet my other friend’s dad who hates me too. And I make every meeting dreadful for him with a big smile and a hello just to anger him more. Maybe that’s the way it must be with fathers from here on.

I just don’t do fathers. They are annoying, crazy and demanding. They are like the one guy in a movie that goes "that’s silly"; they are the ones that have straight faces when they watch someone dancing, the ones that choose fixing the heater over giving you money, and the ones that keep asking you what you do when all they do is judge. So as Jerry says - You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. Its like, "See if you can blow this out”. Well then uncle has better things to stress about than my hello I guess.